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i’m thinking of quiting school

The End

i guess this is it

No peace at all. The smallest matters seem to be on their way to bloom into a full-scale ‘war’ in the family.

No peace at all. I wonder why I pursued what I’ve gotten now when it isn’t really what I want.

No peace at all. I want to stop, and breathe again.

Thoughts at 1:23 a.m.

Behaviours of humans are influenced by a few factors, among which are legal boundaries, moral & religious obligations, individual needs, upbringing etc. (cuz I can’t really remember at the moment)… I believe for most realistic materialistic individuals, it would be more apt to describe the processof coming to a decision as one that weighs all other factors aformentioned against one’s individual needs. But when one or more factors conflict with your needs, what then should you rightly do?

Rational thinkers would probably advise you to go for the greater general good. No, in fact, I think this is exactly how the entire society exerts positive pressure towards conformation. If one chooses to go against the establishment purely for personal reasons, how much of a selfish decision would that be against your rightful authority in defining and pursuing what you think you want? The very same way a school of thought would abhor self-fueled decisions just because it is always deemed irrational to think of yourself above others who would be affected/react is… very much the same way another school of thought would have pushed for the idea that you are the best person to determine that for yourself what is better for your own life.

However, how significant is the counter-discourse over the discourse of conforming to expectations? Not a lot. Yet is it worthwhile to judge the rationale behind a decision in terms of how many things you can achieve in appeasing the public against that single personal priority that you are still unable to forgo so easily? If you can achieve numerically moreĀ  benefits that you would otherwise not care about yet at the same time have something more important taken away, would that make you happier?

Life is about crossroads, sometimes so tangled that you might arrive at one which says “what you want – LEFT, what you REALLY want – RIGHT”. Which road should I embark on? Because remaining stationary brings me nowhere and will only leave me with regrets.

In Search Of What Really Is Important,

JOHN LEE

(p.s. I know this post sounds like I’m about to do something evil, but rest assured I’m not turning into a terrorist anytime soon XD)

That Battered Kite

That little kite used to be sieving through countless fluffed-up clouds along its flight – all in its entire grandeur of vibrant colours rippling in the gentle breeze. That little kite used to be as carefree as those silhouetted birds disappearing into the crimson beach sunset – riding the wind and soaring the skies without a care in the world. No matter how high it soared, there was always that little string that tugged and pulled it against jealous, angry winds … and that little kite was safe in knowing that there would always be someone watching over it at the other end. For as much as a mere mortal dreads getting lost, that kite feared the land of the unknown. Safe … always … or so it vehemently believed.

But strings were seldom strong enough to withstand constant storms and slicing winds, even if both ends of the strings had something in common to hold onto, even if the string consisted of bundles of strong threads at the beginning. For a thread not mended is as good as a thread lost, yet in trying to brave the storm that little kite was foolish enough to believe that everything would still be alright just as long as it believed in the person at the other end of the string. It mattered not even if the person was not in sight, and it mattered even less whether the stretch between them was reaching its limit. It naively believed that that even if the winds were harsh, that person would still continue following and watching over it. Unknowingly, the threads holding the string began to break … under pressure…

In the end, like they always say, if there is room for mishaps, usually they would occur. Whether or not the person decided to let go eventually or that the string snapped after a blow it could not have endured, that kite had never known … for as abruptly as the storm began, it took that kite away with it – away from the place it was once familiar with and away from its guiding hand. Turbulent winds tore holes in it until it was no longer able to fly and the cold chilling night air crept up, becoming unbearable. So much till that little kite decided that it was enough already. And so, given up it had…

It fell… with much disgrace … onto the cold hard soil.

It had then lost its vibrant colour and those woodpieces that once held it together were too, now broken … and it was in pain. For alas, there is no greater sorrow in being lost in a place you thought you knew so well.

But today, that little kite – all faded and torn – had its string mended and held firm. The broken woodpieces were tied back together, but will that little kite still be able to fly like it used to? Will that string snap again? It doesn’t know, yet it yearns to ride the winds once more. And so, that little kite shall try, with hopes rekindled and dreams so bright…

a forgotten tale retold by,

JOHN LEE

Virtuoso Pianissimo

 

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